A lot has happened since I was last here. If you follow my personal blog, you know most of it. I had surgery, I lost my sweet kitty Helena, I attended the Writing Cross-Culturally Workshop, (and blogged about it here), made new writer friends, and started brainstorming two new novels.
But the best news out of all that is that I signed with an agent! I’m now represented by Caitie Flum of Liza Dawson Associates! I’m so excited to be working with her! She just gets me, she gets my book, she is a fierce fighter, and she looks out for her clients. I’m eager to see where this journey will take us.
I still have a long way to go to realize that NYT best-seller dream. But I finally feel like I’ve taken a real step on to that path. Now it’s up to me to keep doing the work, to keep my head on straight, and to hold on when things get hard.
Here’s to good things coming!
Why do I do this again?
When is it time to hang it up and either:
1. Give up for good
2. Start something new (even though the well is DRY af)
Too much conflicting advice. Too many opinions.
Epic failure. Fear. Frustration. Rollercoaster emotions.
Why do I do this?????
How do I learn to trust my gut, when it’s been so wrong in the past?
Striving for perfection that will likely never come, but knowing I have to be 250% to even get *considered* because of… well, reasons.
So tired of being “almost but not quite.” Not just here. Everywhere.
“You’re close, but.”
That’s not enough for me.
“This is special.”
But still, so many things wrong.
Why so much wrong? Still?
And will I ever figure it out?
Tired. So, so tired.
how writing feels
But I can’t stop. So what does that make me?
It’s been a while since I’ve posted here, but believe me, that’s a good thing. There are things happening in my writing world that are under the hood, but will ultimately propel me forward once the time is right and everything aligns.
Here’s what I’ve been up to since my last update:
- Working on a R&R for an agent I sent my MS to over the summer. There was great feedback, encouraging and challenging. So I’ve been revising, which hasn’t been bad for the most part. Of course I get my days of crippling self-doubt. What writer doesn’t? But then there are the good days when the ideas flow so fast and hard that I don’t even want to take time to eat dinner.
- Met Rena, my new best friend who also happens to be one of my favorite readers and cheerleaders. I never thought I’d find a new best friend at age 40 (now 41 eep) but here she is. Just what I’ve been needing and I adore her. She’s one of those people who energize the whole room when you’re around her, and she’s so smart and just amazing. I am so lucky!
- Applied for, and got accepted to the Writing in the Margins Mentor Program. I’m thrilled and I am also nervous. My mentor is a very successful author and I’m excited to be working with her.
- Joined Maggie Stiefvater’s Critique Partner Match Up. Honestly, when I posted my info and pitch, I didn’t expect any bites, but the response was overwhelming. I ended up sticking with three from that match up: Sarah, my cheerleader who is amazing at picking up inconsistencies, repeated words, and little things that are so easy for me to miss because I am so close to the MS. Reagan, who challenges me in ways that make my ego go ALL THE NOPES but once that gets pushed out of the way and reason sets in, make my book so much stronger. And there is Rachel, who is the perfect balance between Sarah and Reagan. She pushes but also heaps praise when warranted. Rena is balanced just like Rachel. I feel like I have the perfect mix of critique partners, and after flying solo with this project for so long, it’s good to have the outside perspective.
- Got invited to the most amazing tribe of writers who are all of color. The support in this group is overwhelming and makes me want to cry happy tears from time to time. I am so glad to have found this safe space of people who have each other’s backs and who are teaching me so much.
In a few months, I’m going to be ready to send my new and improved MS to the agent who requested the R&R, and I’ll be getting ready to start that fun process of querying. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that big time, so I know that I have to prepare myself mentally. Years of being away from this process, and years of breaking myself open with yoga have made my skin thin and I need to tap into … something … and build up my strength again. Here are some things I’m working on in regards to that:
- Remembering that it’s not personal, it’s business. A rejection is no different from me picking up a book, reading the back cover, and thinking “not for me.”
- Building up my network of supporters who indulge me a little, but also help me see things in an objective way.
- Changing my mindset! This is the most challenging one. I have to believe in myself and my writing. The self-doubt is a normal part, but sometimes I go beyond and I worry that I’m self-sabotaging. It’s time to stop that. It’s time to change my vibration. That, mixed with hard work, will attract success.
- Not rushing. Taking my time to do things right. It’s hard. I feel like I’m running out of time. I don’t know if this is a real thing or if my mind is playing tricks on me. The temptation is to rush so I make myself take time away every week.
- Not giving up even though I want to every four days.
I’m ready to be past the “You’re close but…” and right in the solid “Yes, yes, all the yes!”