So….
I have this new laptop, so I really have no excuse not to write.
I have a framework that I pounded out with an agent, (at HER INSISTENCE!) so I have no excuse not to write.
I have an entire evening free, and most of tomorrow, and tomorrow evening free. I have no excuse not to write.
Why is it so hard for me to get started?
The other day, I was remembering how much fun I had when I was writing Only Yours. I spent EVERY free moment writing, and when I wasn’t writing, I was thinking about writing. Or talking about my characters as though they were real people. It gave me so much joy to work on that project.
Now, it’s like a weight. A constant dialogue in my head.
“You SHOULD be writing. You’re going to let people down if you don’t write. Oh great, you just wrote more CRAP. What is your problem? See these other authors? See your friends? See how they pound out great stuff? See how he got another book deal? See how she hit NYT? See how she finally got that offer? Oh look, that one went to auction. Why can’t YOU do that???”
When I am at work, all I do is sit there thinking “I can’t WAIT to get home and write.”
I get home and make excuses.
“The neighbor’s TV/stereo/sex-sounding workout is too loud.”
“I have to see what’s on email, Facebook, LiveJournal first.”
“Let me play a quick game or five of Anagrams.”
“Oh, I should see if Adam’s online.”
Well, Adam’s at work now. The neighbors are finally quiet. I’ve checked email/Facebook/Livejournal. I’ve already played Anagrams. So now what’s my problem?
The ideas are in my head. I can’t seem to get them out. Something is blocking me.
Fear
* * * * *
I’m afraid of failing.
I’m afraid of writing another 20K words and then realizing this doesn’t work either.
I’m afraid of finishing a book and having a crit partner tell me NO NO NO.
I’m afraid of finishing it, and having my agent reject it.
I’m afraid I don’t have another good book in me.
I’m afraid I won’t feel the magic I felt when I was writing Only Yours.
I’m afraid that I’m completely done.
I’m afraid that reading and editing all day mentally exhausts me, which is why when I DO buckle down, I do best on Sunday afternoons.
I’m afraid of getting started.
I’m afraid of enjoying it.
I’m afraid of succeeding.
I’m afraid of writing.
What if I have no more stories to tell?
Don’t beat yourself up! Everybody feels like that sometimes (I know I do…) Just get it out on paper. You can always go back and tweak it later…
Welcome back!
I don’t believe in writing-by-magic – that if you only have the talent, the skill, the magical idea, everything will fall into place and the world will be bright henceforth. Every writer I know – and there are a few – has to Work At It. Every now and again you get handed a gift – the perfect story, the perfect character or plotthread or scene or description, and you would do well to rejoice – and every now and again you just can’t work out what to.
Patricia Wrede, who has written a few more books than most, insists that when you’re finished, it’s impossible to tell which bits felt inspired and which were hard-fought for. I’ve always found that thought reassuring.
Welcome back! I am so afraid, I can hardly respond! Fear is just Raef spelled backwards. Wait, that doesn’t make sense. Now see, I fear you will think me daft!
I think there is nothing to do but get back on the horse! Write, write, write… right?
I went through this before I started my last novel. I was so terrified to begin something new, and I was sad that no one had wanted the first novel, and I hated the thought of writing ANOTHER novel that no one would want. So I put it off for a month. Then I finally began writing and things got so much better. I’m sure things will turn out great for you, too!
Writing isn’t supposed to be easy. Remember that it’s okay to write crap (you can always fix it later). Remember that the most important thing is to show up, and get SOMETHING down. Remember that you obviously have what it takes to do this or you wouldn’t have made it this far. You’ve written at least one novel. You have an AGENT who believes in you. This doubt and anxiety will pass. Hopefully by the time you read this, you’ve already remembered how awesome you are. 🙂
Boy, I was doing the same thing this weekend!
I’m trying for short, which as you know isn’t my style. Things seem to call to me to press on those buttons and see what comes out, but I am trying to avoid pushing the buttons because they will end up sidetracking the story, and once in a while in the past I have let what comes out of those deviations actually hijack the story. I have to keep saying, “Do you WANT to write something marketable or not? Do you WANT to spend your life just writing for yourself and your friends? Be disciplined!”
Sadly, I consider “disciplined” the ability to keep a novel under 80,000 words. It’s so beyond nuts.
I find excuses not to write too . . . and sometimes they’re genuine. Sometimes I feel like I would write bullcrap anyway if I didn’t work on whatever was plaguing my mind.
What sometimes works for me is reading a favorite part (or even a tough part) of a WIP and telling myself when I begin that I have no obligation to continue today if I don’t want to. A lot of the time I start reading and I want to add.
I fear both success and failure. But I also fear never having a chance to do either. So I have to do something that scares me no matter what.
Psst, it’s me, Ronni (bananagirl19) posting under my LJ alter ago. Anyway, I just got your book out of the library today. I’m looking forward to reading it!
I appreciate that so much!!! I really hope you dig it.